I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
