apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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