I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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