I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Randomize
