Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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