you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
