Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize