i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We don't watch enough power rangers
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
