She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
