I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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