Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
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