The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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