just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize