this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
