I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
