When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
