Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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