I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
