I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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