Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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