in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize