remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
