Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
