babies were throwing up all over the place
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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