The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
