question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
