too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
