I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i think my cat just said my name.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
