You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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