happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
