You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
