uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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