i think my mom watched the whole time
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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