I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
