i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
