I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
