I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
