holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
