if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize