I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
