Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
