why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
