dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
