I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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