babies were throwing up all over the place
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
