i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
