My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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