he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he puts the penis in happiness.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
