$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
