his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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