No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize