Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
