the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
