You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
