my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
