I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We need a shit load of segways right now
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize