Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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