i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
