The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
