Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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