so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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