I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
