idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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