She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
