Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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